About 1.4 percent of Americans become victims of stalking each year, putting it on par with violent crime rates among young adults.

While men can be victims too, women face the highest risk of having their privacy and personal life intruded on.

One in six women reports being stalked, often by an ex, and nearly half of these cases escalate to physical harm, including assault and even murder.

What makes stalking especially dangerous is how easily it can be mistaken for persistence. Movies and books often romanticize obsessive behavior, blurring the line between determination and danger. But make no mistake—stalking isn’t love; it’s control.

Before you brush off red flags as just "passionate" behavior, let’s break down the different types of stalkers, what drives them, and how you can stay safe.

What Exactly Is Stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of intrusive and obsessive behavior that disrupts a person’s life, robbing them of peace of mind and a sense of safety. It often includes:

• following someone, keeping tabs on their activities, and hounding them online

• making unwanted contact through calls, texts, emails, or social media messages

• showing up uninvited at their home, workplace, or favorite hangouts

While stalkers often exhibit similar behavioral patterns, their motivations are complex and multifaceted.

The 5 Types of Stalkers Explained

To better understand a stalker’s behavior, researchers developed various typologies. One of the most widely recognized comes from forensic psychiatrists Paul Mullen, Michele Pathé, and Rosemary Purcell. They’ve identified five distinct types of stalkers, each defined by specific psychological profiles and intent.

1. The Intimacy Seeking Stalker

This type of stalking stems from deep loneliness and a lack of healthy, close relationships. Desperate for a connection, the Intimacy Seeking Stalker latches onto a stranger or casual acquaintance and decides, “Yup, you’re the one. My soulmate!”

On top of that, the Intimacy Seeking Stalker projects an image of you. They read into everything you do, seeing signs that you love them and need them even if that’s not the case. For example, if you post a quote on Facebook, they’ll convince themselves it’s a secret message just for them.

Severe mental illness, particularly erotomanic delusions, causes this behavior. The stalker initially seeks to form an intimate bond and continues stalking because he feels emotionally gratified by the illusion of a close connection. Some of them may even mistakenly believe they are already in a relationship with their victim.

2. The Incompetent Suitor

The Incompetent Suitor harasses someone in an attempt to start a relationship. Oftentimes, they don’t necessarily mean harm; they’re simply oblivious or indifferent to the rejection and boundaries set by their target. This lack of awareness could be attributed to autism spectrum disorders (ASD) or other conditions that affect social skills.

But unlike the Intimacy Seeker, the Incompetent Suitor is aware that there’s no existing relationship and they believe persistence will eventually "win over" their target. They will attempt to negotiate and compromise endlessly with their victim. Fortunately, in most cases, you can only stop an Incompetent Suitor from harassing you by taking legal action.

3. The Rejected Stalker

Rejected stalking happens when a relationship falls apart. The Rejected Stalker is like Sméagol from The Lord of the Rings. Obsessed with their “precious,” they believe the person is theirs and theirs alone.

During the relationship, they may act like the knight in shining armor, claiming they deeply understand and care about their partner. They'll even drop the “I’d die for you” card.

They'll toss around the word "love" so much that they start to believe their lies, but every “act of love” is just a debt they think you owe them. If they lose control over you, they become frustrated and hostile. They may start by trying to win you back, but if they can’t have you, they’ll try to destroy you.

To put it simply, the rejected stalker is a narcissist who can’t handle rejection.

4. The Resentful Stalker

Resentful stalking happens when someone feels that they've been wronged or humiliated, and so they decide to take it out on the person they blame. The victim is usually a stranger or acquaintance, someone they think has mistreated them in some way.

In some cases, severe mental illness is involved, and the stalker develops paranoid beliefs about the victim. They might think that the victim has done something to them, and stalking becomes their way of getting even or seeking revenge. The initial reason for the stalking is to settle the score, but it continues because the stalker feels powerful and in control by instilling fear in their target.

Seeing themselves as victims, these stalkers believe their behavior is justified, like they’re fighting back against an oppressor.

5. Predatory Stalker

Predatory stalking is all about deviant sexual interests and behaviors. In most cases, the stalker is male and the victim is a female stranger. The stalker usually starts by developing a sexual interest in the victim, and his goal is to gain sexual gratification (often through things like voyeurism, where he targets the same person over time). 

For these stalkers, the behavior serves a dual purpose: it's both about getting what they want sexually and enjoying the power and control they feel over the victim—who, in most cases, has no idea what's going on.

The Most Dangerous Stalker

All stalkers are dangerous, but Rejected Stalkers are particularly prone to violent confrontation. Around 60% of stalking cases involve an ex-intimate partner, like an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband.

What makes Rejected Stalkers so dangerous is the overwhelming intensity of their attachment, combined with their intimate knowledge of the victim, such as triggers, routines, and habits.

These stalkers are driven by revenge or the desperate hope of reconciling a broken relationship. The emotional connection they feel towards their victim is deep, and when rejected, it fuels intense aggression and volatility. What starts as harassment can quickly escalate into violence—physical assault, sexual violence, or even murder.

Are Stalkers Capable of Love?

Stalkers have a distorted sense of love and attachment. Their actions are typically driven by a need for control, power, or revenge rather than genuine care.

They might say they love you, but their behavior reflects obsession and possessiveness, not healthy affection. They refuse to respect boundaries and will push past them to get what they want.

True love, on the other hand, is about putting the other person’s needs first, even when it’s hard. It’s about mutual respect and emotional support.

Moreover, stalking isn’t the same as being relentless. A persistent suitor might ask someone out a couple of times or try to set up a few casual encounters to spark conversation. But they won’t cross any boundaries or try to make the other person feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

When they realize the person isn’t interested, they’ll step back and move on. On the other hand, a stalker will keep pushing, ignoring the other person’s feelings, and continuing to pursue them, even if it only makes the victim want to run in the other direction.

Should I Confront My Stalker?

Stalkers are often sociopaths—dangerous and unpredictable. They are self-righteous predators with an agenda and reasoning with them doesn’t help.

And if your ex has turned into a stalker, don't let your guard down just because you once shared a connection. Nicholas Longpré, a criminologist at Edge Hill University, points out that women, in particular, can end up ignoring red flags because they still hold onto feelings of love or attachment. You need to stay clear-eyed about the danger and not let past emotions cloud your judgment.

What To Do About Stalking

If you're being stalked, it’s important to prioritize your safety at all times. Stalkers can be dangerous, and if they don’t get what they want, they may resort to physical or sexual harm, depending on the type of stalker. Here’s what you need to do:

• Keep yourself and your loved ones safe, especially if you have children. Your home and surroundings should be your safe space, even when living alone. 

• Carry safety devices like a personal alarm, tactical flashlight, or pepper spray as they give you the upper hand in a dangerous situation.

• Document everything: Record dates, times, and details of every incident. If possible, take pictures or video recordings of the stalker's actions.

• Store all evidence in a safe place. When you report the stalking to the police 👮, this information can be used as evidence.

• Tell your family and friends: Keeping them informed serves two purposes— they’ll be your support system, and it helps break the stalker’s control and isolation tactics.

• Reach out to local authorities. Notify them about the situation. It’s also a good idea to inform your workplace and consider contacting domestic violence shelters or organizations that specialize in handling stalking cases

Final Thoughts on Stalkers

We know from personal experience that even mild forms of stalking from a "harmless" person can still feel very intrusive and unsettling. No one ever has the right to make you feel uncomfortable, and you should be ready to take further action via the law to do whatever you can to make it stop.

Some stalkers know they've crossed the line from "too interested" to downright dangerous, but that doesn’t mean they’ll stop. Even with restraining orders in place, many keep stalking. That’s why you’ll need to stay vigilant and carry safety devices with you at all times.

Share this post to help more women recognize the warning signs. Too often, people entertain the idea of the drama and mistake stalking for passion—until it’s too late. Stay aware, stay safe, and don’t ignore the red flags.